Starting My Final Year Of University

It's been a while since I last posted. I said this Summer was going to be full of content and that didn't turn out to be the case at all. A lot has happened in the last few months, but I'm sure I'll cover that in a life update post soon. For now, I want to share my thoughts on starting my final year of University. As I'm writing this, I go back to University tomorrow and I honestly don't know how I feel, so, in true Lauryn fashion, I'm going to take it back to when I first started JustALittleBitOfLauryn and write an incredibly rambly post to try and make sense of how I'm feeling...

I think I'm mainly just shocked that it's my final year already. The past two years have been eventful but they have gone so quickly and I know this year will be the same. Therefore, I really am going to try and make the most of the next few months. I want to get out of my comfort zone a bit more, talk to a few more people and actually socialise because I know that I'll regret it if I don't. Those things are easier said than done though, if they were that easy, I would have spent the last two years doing them. However, I think I have a sort of confidence now that I didn't have before and I hope that pushes me to just do things and stop letting anxiety take over my life.

One of the main changes this year is that I'm not living in Exeter and I'll be commuting in every day. This isn't great for someone who struggles with public transport, like me, but I'm sure I'll be fine. I have no choice to be really. If anything, I hope that it makes me feel more ok with public transport as it is just something that I'll become used to and then it'll be like second nature. That's what I'm hoping anyway. We will see if it actually turns out like that.

I'm absolutely dreading the whole idea of writing a dissertation; it all just seems so overwhelming and intimidating and something I'm not ready for at all. Actually, I feel like that about all of my modules this year. Everyone says that you get so much choice in third year and yes, it does seem like you get a lot of choice, but the chance of you getting put into the modules you select is slim and then you're stuck doing something that you absolutely hate (if you can't tell, I'm not best pleased about my upcoming modules). However, I'm sure that once I get back into the swing of things, it'll all be fine. I'm just not liking the idea that all of my modules are seminar based this year which isn't really something we've ever experienced on my course before but there's literally nothing I can do about it so I'm trying to stop worrying about it.

It's got to the point where people are continuously asking me what I plan on doing after University. It's safe to say, I don't have a clue. I was considering taking some time out for a bit as I never took any time between A Levels and University and I feel like a break could be good before I go into full time work but then I think that I might as well just start working full time straight away. Then there's the question of what type of job I'm actually going to work in and really, I don't know at all. I thought that I had a clear idea of what I wanted after University but it turns out, it's something I'm going to have to really think about again because I'm honestly clueless. However, I know how hard I've worked in the past few years getting all of the experience possible in the field that I want to go into and I'm really hoping that that'll pay off when it comes to the job search.

All in all, I think I'll be fine, it really is a case of finding a routine that works for me and sticking to it. My living situation is better this year which automatically takes away a lot of the stress I usually experience throughout the academic year and I am feeling somewhat positive about my final year of university, even if it definitely doesn't seem like it from this post because all I've done is probably point out the negatives. However, I probably won't even proofread this as I know it'll be so rambly and then I'll delete it and then it'll be even longer until I upload a post so I think it's best to just get back into the swing of things with one of these posts where I literally write everything down that's going on in my head and hope that people make sense of it. Who knows, really?

21 Things Before 21

I turn 21 at the beginning of October and so, with only a few months to go, I decided to set myself some goals for the next few months to hopefully achieve before I reach 21. I posted one of these last year before I turned 20 and while I didn't achieve many, I do think that this is a good way to motivate yourself to get those things done that you've wanted to do for ages. Especially if, like me, you procrastinate literally everything. So, here's the 21 things before 21...

1. Continue to become more body positive and focus more on myself

2. Book a wedding venue 

3.  Post at least twice a week on the blog

4. Finally get my hair cut 

5. Declutter my belongings 

6. Reduce my screentime to under 25 hours per week

7. Lose at least a stone of weight 

8. Read more books

9. Go to the gym three times a week

10. Book a photographer to get some headshots for work things

11. Continue learning Italian

12. Try out eyelash extensions

13. Motivate myself for third year and don't let myself get too nervous about it

14. Start creating artwork again 

15. Have 2 no spend days per week

16. Start uploading weekly vlogs on Youtube

17. Get a tattoo

18. Reach 10,000 steps every day 

19. Start a dream journal

20. Actually meet up with friends rather than cancelling because I don't like leaving the house

21. Try to let myself have a good life and stop fretting over things that really won't matter in a few years time.

What are some things you want to achieve over the next few months?

The Importance Of Having A Social Media Detox

As someone who works in social media and digital marketing, it can be difficult to get off of social media completely but lately, I've realised it's so important to make time for not being on my phone or laptop as it was all just getting a bit much.

I think that social media is great and I love that it has allowed me to work in a job where I am comfortable and I don't have to really leave the house to go to work. It reduces a lot of my anxiety and just makes me feel a bit better about life overall. Being able to work in a creative industry is something I always wanted to do but didn't feel like it was feasible years ago when these sorts of jobs weren't really a thing.

However, my use of social media for my personal life is a tricky one. My screen time on my phone is embarrassing and I am fully aware that I spend far too much of my life just scrolling through the likes of Instagram and Twitter. A couple of weeks ago, my screen time was at 70 hours for the week and I just thought that is unacceptable and something needed to change. I thought about all of the things I could be doing rather than being on my phone and decided that I needed to get a grip and do something about it. Like I said, I can't just suddenly come off of my phone completely. However, I am planning to have a complete detox in a few weeks when I take some time off of work.

For now, I have been utilising the downtime feature on my phone to block access to social media apps for the majority of the day. I am finding that this is really helping to decrease my screentime and I'm also being a lot more productive. I'm no longer feeling the need to just scroll aimlessly through my Facebook feed when I'm sat down and I do think that it's having a positive impact.

People say that social media is toxic. I don't agree. I think the way you use social media can be toxic. I think I let myself get into a mindset where I was constantly comparing myself to other females on Instagram and it just made me feel awful. We all know I have some issues with my self-confidence anyway and this just wasn't doing me any favours. Then I realised that I'm the one submitting myself to this and I don't have to live a life where I'm constantly comparing myself.

Limiting the time that I spend on social media and working on myself instead is having such a positive impact on my life and it's something that I wish I had started doing sooner. I think it's vital to be aware of the importance of having a social media detox and just letting yourself have a bit of time every so often when you're not getting so caught up in everyone else's lives and just focusing on your own. It's easy to avoid your to-do list and just have '5 more minutes' watching pointless videos on Facebook but it's something that I'm trying to stop.

I don't want to be consumed by social media. Especially when there's so much negativity and people just don't seem to care about the impact their comments can have on people. Writing something behind a screen can have a lasting effect on someone.

That's why I think it's so important to just tailor your social media usage for you. Mute accounts, unfollow accounts, block them if you have to. Mute words that you find stressful/irritating, leave groups that aren't adding anything extra to your life, go through your friends list and only keep the ones you actually know. These little things can just help to make it a much more positive experience.

Les Misérables at Theatre Royal Plymouth

Les Misérables is one of those shows that I always wanted to see. The songs have been on my travelling playlists for as long as I can remember and it was just a must-see. When I found out it was coming to the Theatre Royal Plymouth, I knew I had to get tickets. I remember how stressed I was getting the tickets though because the website kept going down and it kept kicking me off of the queue and it was just incredibly stressful. I finally got tickets though so I can't complain too much.

I expected the show to be good, I had seen the film and I knew the songs and the storyline, but this exceeded my expectations. As someone with quite a short attention span, I often find myself drifting off into my own little world in most situations in life and not really paying attention to my surroundings but this really did keep me captivated for the whole time and so, that's a massive positive in itself.

All of the cast were absolutely amazing and so talented. I never particularly enjoyed Javert's character much within the film because I feel like Russell Crowe wasn't the best fit. However, Nic Greenshields who played Javert in the show fit the character so well and one of my favourite parts was Javert's Suicide because I feel like the emotion and the significance of it was portrayed so well and the minutes leading up to it, I was wondering how they would make it look like he had fallen off of the bridge when he was really only about a foot above the floor but they pulled it off so well. Of course, it was obvious but the thought that went into scenes like this really impressed me. Similarly, Jean Valjean, played by Killian Donnelly, really did have such an astounding impact on the whole show.

I enjoyed all of the songs but the ones that particularly stuck out to me were On My Own, One Day More, Bring Him Home, Empty Chairs at Empty Tables and At The End Of The Day. When I haven't seen a show before, I often wonder how the songs will be acted out on the stage and all of these were done incredibly well. This created such a wide range of emotions, which I think is vital for the storyline of Les Mis.

I am really interested in the sets used in the theatre and how it all works. It fascinates me how quickly things change and how they set the scene so well and so, this is something I pay a lot of attention to. One of my favourite parts was when they were building the barricade as this was portrayed so well on stage. 

Overall, it's definitely one of my favourite musicals and if I had the chance, I would definitely go and see it again. I went to see the show with my mother and let's just say, it must be good because she is now obsessed and is listening to the soundtrack constantly.

Have you seen Les Misérables?

Working On Me

I haven't posted for a while, it's actually been nearly a month. Honestly, I've been a bit lost with what to post. I have ideas but can never find the motivation to write them and also, it's all just been a bit hectic. I'll have a new life update coming out soon and so, I won't dwell on what has really been going on behind the scenes here. However, the past week or so, something has switched in my mind about me, how I treat myself and how I need to just... get a grip. If someone else told me to get a grip, I'd be rather displeased but I guess I can say it to myself. I've just decided to spend more time working on me. 

It's true what they say, the only person you'll ever have around all of the time is yourself. So, why do I continue to be awful to myself? I put myself down at every instance and it's pretty obvious by now that I don't think too fondly of myself. But, I wouldn't treat a friend like that, I wouldn't treat anyone like that, so why do I do it to myself? It's not right. A few weeks ago, I realised that someone was just treating me badly and I thought 'hang on, I don't have to put up with this'. I deserve more than that.

In the past week, I have been actively trying to be kinder to myself. I have constantly been reinforcing these positive affirmations, trying not to hate every part of my body when I look in the mirror and really, just not letting everyone walk all over me. For as long as I can remember, I've disliked myself and I'm sick of feeling that way because it makes everything much harder and honestly, it's just unnecessary.

I know I'm not happy with my body and the way it looks but it's still functional, it still lets me do so many great things in life and I want to appreciate that more. Yes, I want to lose a lot of weight but why should I let myself beat myself up daily about how I look now? I saw a quote the other day saying "Don't let your mind bully your body" and it's something that I think about daily.

Then, we have my personality and the general person that I am. I've tried for years to be confident with who I am and I just can't. I question everything I say out loud and panic about social events before, during and after. I get myself worked up once I've said something thinking that I've sounded 'rude' and it's just draining. At the end of the day, I'm not going to have a personality transplant overnight so I just need to accept who I am, the fact that I do have mental health issues and a neurodevelopmental disorder and there's nothing I can do to change that. Really, if someone wants to judge that, then they shouldn't be the type of people that I want in my life.

This is a work in progress. I don't love myself. Sometimes, I wonder if I ever will. I see all of these body confident, self-loving people on social media and I do feel envy that I don't feel that way. Then, I have to remind myself that even the most confident people have bad days. I just hope that, with time, working on me will pay off and I'll feel a bit more comfortable with who I am.

June Goals

I always think that it's so important to make little goals for yourself each month and so, I thought I'd share mine for the upcoming month. There's nothing big really as I'm trying to take it easy this month, especially considering the majority of my time is going to be spent looking after Barney but like I said, I just like to have something to work towards. Here are my June Goals...

1. Go to the gym at least three times a week

Josh and I joined the gym a few weeks ago and at the moment, it is going pretty well and I don't hate it yet. As I work at home and so, most of my time is spent sitting at a desk, it's good to have a reason to get out and move for a bit. Obviously, once Barney is a bit older and we can take him out for walks we will be doing that too but I'm hoping that I can keep up going to the gym this time around. I'm hoping that 3 times a week is a reasonable goal as I definitely know I wouldn't cope with going every day but this seems like just enough.

2. Get my hair sorted

If you follow me on Twitter, I post far too much about how much I hate my hair and how I desperately need to get it sorted but I get the worst anxiety when it comes to hair salons. This month, I want to combat this somehow and get my hair back to a colour and length that I'm happy with. At the moment, it's about 5 different colours which is really quite annoying so I'm hoping I can get this fixed as soon as possible. For most people, going to a hair salon is just a normal part of their routine and it's something they enjoy, this is not the case for me. Therefore, I will be really happy if I manage to get myself to the hair salon this month.

3. Post at least twice a week on the blog

At the moment, my content calendar is planned so that I have three blog posts going out per week. I'm really hoping I can manage to stick to this but if it all goes a bit wrong, I at least want to get two out a week. At the moment, my schedule is Monday, Wednesday and Friday and I always post at 8am! So, let's hope I don't suddenly have a motivation crisis again this month...

4. Have 2 no spend days per week

We all know I've been trying to tackle my spending problem for a long time now. Is it working? No, it's not. However, I am getting better at having no spend days and so, the plan for this month is to have at least 2 of these no spend days a week. Hopefully, this shouldn't be difficult as I think I'm going to just be in the house a lot this month but that doesn't stop me from making those late night ASOS orders that I really need to stop making.

5. Limit social media usage

When you work on social media, it can be difficult to limit your usage. However, this is something I need to make a conscious effort to do this month. I'm feeling really really stressed at the moment and I think a lot of that is to do with the fact that I'm spending far too much time on my phone and constantly comparing myself to other people, especially on the likes of Instagram. It isn't healthy and it's something I really need to stop. I won't share my screen time data because honestly, it's embarrassing but I really want to work on just putting my phone down when I'm not working and just focusing on myself a bit more.

What are your June Goals?

Meet Barney

So, if you've been following my posts on social media, you'll know I've been hinting to a big 'life event' and here it is - we got a puppy! Meet Barney, the golden retriever.

Barney is currently 10 weeks old and we picked him up on Friday. So far, he's settling in really well, despite having to be in the car for an incredibly long journey home on his first day. He's met both my parents dog and Joshs parents dogs now and they all seem to be so intimidated by him! It's weird because he's so small and doesn't really know what he's doing himself so I don't think he understands why they are all cowering away from him. However, I'm sure that with time, they will all start to feel a bit more comfortable around him.

He had his first vet appointment yesterday and he was surprisingly really well behaved. Everyone at the vets commented on how cute he was and he wasn't frightened at all when we went in to see the vet, he literally just fell asleep on the bench straight away and didn't make a fuss about his vaccination, despite the vet saying that he might become a bit agitated. Hopefully, he carries on like this as it'll be good for him to not be frightened of the vets but we will have to wait and see. Like I said, I don't even think he knows what he's doing at the moment.

We always planned to get a puppy this Summer but didn't expect it to be as soon as this. However, we aren't complaining because we love him already. We first went to visit Barney last Saturday and it took us about 5 minutes to say yes to buying him and then it felt like the longest week ever before we could pick him up. I did vlog parts of that week such as a mini Pets At Home haul and I've also vlogged his first couple of days at home which will be up on my Youtube channel soon.

I don't really have much else to update because he literally just sleeps, tries to steal Eddie's food and hangs off of my leg but I'm so glad that we finally have a little puppy.

If you want to hear more about Barney, make sure you follow his Instagram here.